my stages of the moon dress on my roof in the afternoon. one of my students today said i was so lucky that my office is my roof and i was like, yep, true that. my office is a roof in mexico in 70 degree weather right upstairs from my kitchen and a 20 second walk to my bedroom door. i’m basically going to be reminising about this time the rest of my life and although i don’t have everything i want, i’m pretty happy.
but you know when you are like ‘i am happy right now, but i still need to make steps to change some things’. i guess that’s where i’m at.
this morning i got a fancy coffee, and i walked down to the church to meet a guy who is friends with my friend in mexico city, my friend in mexico city gave me little bag thing when i was in df earlier this month and asked me to deliver it to his oaxacan friend, so today i did. i didn’t know what he looked like, and he arrived late. i was just sitting there in front of the church, watching the tourists and the children and the people rushing too and from work. but overall there wasn’t many people. the sun was perfect and i was overcome by a feeling of complete and utter happiness, for no reason except for being alive.
these moments are rare. i read a lot about this, study it in yoga, the idea of calming the mind and being in the present moment. then i get caught up in thoughts. lost in the world of my own mind. i know it’s bad but sometimes it can’t be helped. i like to think of myself as pensive. anyways, this moment just fell apon me. it was incredible. i was so happy! nothing bothered me and i couldn’t wish for anything to be different.. even though so many things are painfully flawed or imperfect. but it is what it is. ES LO QUE ES.
of course that moment slips away and i go back to the real world. i couldn’t sustain that type of presence. i don’t think that it’s possible. but i appreciate my own body, my own intensity. i work towards being a better me but i love who i am, and the people and things that have crossed my life thus far. there is intense beauty in the meloncholy of living; there is so much hope.
for dia de los muertos last year, i was in a printmaking class and we all did one skull themed print and then had a big exchange. after about two months of them sitting on the floor I finally hung them today above my photo collage. Fine is sitting on the little messy table
i love my tiny weird room with super high ceilings!
blanco y negro 120 holga… big ass light leak, doesn’t look so cool on black and white fotos.
two rolls of medium format film in a holga 120. my first try. it yielded these decent fotos.
i am trying to figure out what the big deal about medio formato is. it costs so much more. for 15 photos I paid 100 pesos ($7.50) which is normally about 40 photos 35mm.
i spend all my free time and extra money making art because it is fun and it keeps me half way sane. i didn’t go to art school because I felt it was too judgmental, a stripping down of self-esteem, a pretentiousness although now I sort of wish I had because maybe they would have taught me how to “be” an artist- how to make it my living. but maybe I can do it on my own without the thousands of dollars of debt. i’ll get into that to study something more lucrative, and logical, i think.
if i had it my way i would have art shows of my photos and self-publish my comics, teach yoga and collaborate in a holistic health space, live on a farm that grows medicinal herbs with oscar and raise a radical bilingual baby, travel extensively in many countries, write my memoir, work independently in public health, teach, never stop moving around but feel more settled.