theres this lady that has this vintage store out of a victorian house right by the group home i work in and she often has a $1 bin outside, today i bought this. why? i don’t know. am i a culturally appropriating office lady? i don’t know, but i feel like i can do something cool with it.
the mystery of the future is both exciting and terrifying. but you have to surrender to it. i still can’t believe that i’m moving to spain, or that i lived more than two years in mexico. life is unbelievable sometimes. i meet people nearly ten years younger than me who make more money than me or already have families and the instant reaction is to feel envious or even bitter and ashamed of myself. but then i think about all the experiences i’ve had. when i was 19 i remember writing in a zine or a diary page that i just wanted to have adventures and that was my life goal, no career, no picket fence, just collect stories and live beautiful and difficult moments, just LIVE wild and free. now i can say that i’ve been doing a good job keeping up that goal, but there is one thing i realized lately. stories don’t matter when no one is around who wants to listen, and adventures will become just faded memories on the days when i’m broke and lonely. there’s something more to life but i haven’t figure it out yet. we all choose our own paths. i’ve overcome a lot but i still carry the baggage of the past. buddhists say that it’s best to let the past go. but everything i learned about me and my life i learned from my experiences. how do i let go and still keep all that beauty, all those life lessons?
pictures of the old trainyard in oaxaca where art collectives used to meet and give workshops, benefit shows and film screenings happened, and there was a really cheap organic market on sundays. there was also an acro-yoga class that my friend jenny and i always talked about going to but never did. & my friend gave neighborhood kids breakdancing and turnble classes there. basically everything happened there, and the city was always trying to tear it down and renovate it because it was in such bad condition, and all the community was always fighting against the city to keep it up. finally, right before i left oaxaca the city burned most of it down, the old museum full of trainyard history and sculptures designed out of thin wooden strips, the traincars like their one. the sunday market still happened but it just wasn’t the same. it was my favorite place in oaxaca, by far.
i found these pictures of one day where i showed a traveler this place and we took pictures of each other posed in front of the best train car. i had just finished yoga. i never really showed anyone because i was embarrassed that i looked chubby. now i don’t really care because that was just me in that moment in my life, although even though i’m less chubby now, i’d still probably have the same immediate reaction, sometimes it’s just hard to see a photo of yourself. but i’m trying to get over that.
i told my dad about the phrase ‘mansplaining’.. a little while later i was making tea and he told me “hey i have some of this tea called throat coat, its really good for a cold!” and i was like “dad i introduced you to throat coat tea you don’t need to mansplain it to me!”